Visitors Expected?

It’s pretty common to see church signs that say “visitors welcome.” At my last parish we had one of those “The Episcopal Church welcomes you.” Underneath the main part of the sign hung a smaller sign that said “visitors expected.” The problem was that, even though visitors in our small town were few and far between, we weren’t very well prepared for them.

 I remember my initial foray into the Episcopal Church. I was in my early twenties.. One of my college friends told me that he had found a church he really liked. Mark was one of my roommates in the German House and every Sunday he pestered me to go with him. Finally, on the second Sunday of Advent in 1987, I looked up from the New York Times crossword puzzle, saw him come downstairs in his coat and tie, and decided that the time had come to go to church.

 I have to admit that I was very intimidated on my first visit. The church we went to was seriously old-school Anglo-catholic. We didn’t have any incense that Sunday, but the rector wore a zucchetto (beanie), and the altar was against the wall. It was a beautiful church, but there was a lot to get used to.  Eventually I started going to church on Wednesdays as well as Sundays. Easter came early that year, so I spent everyday of the last week of March in church, morning and evening.


Something interesting happened between that 2nd Sunday of Advent and the following Easter. Although I attended church there for months, not a soul spoke to me, aside from the rector. No one spoke to me until the reception after the Easter Vigil. That’s when a lady backed up and stepped on my foot, and then she had to speak to me. She and the lady with her ended up befriending me, and eventually were my confirmation sponsors. If Joan had not stepped on my foot, I probably wouldn’t be an Episcopalian, because God (and I do mean Him) only knows how much longer it would have taken for someone to notice that they had a visitor. It wasn’t that these folks were snobs or especially bashful, they were just wrapped up in their own affairs and in visiting with their friends.
Even though most churches, including St. Dunstan’s, has official ushers and often greeters too, greeting is something that we all need to be doing. My sense is that St. D’s is a friendly church, but since I’m the rector, I don’t have to wait anymore for someone to step on my foot before they’ll talk to me.

Studies show that most people take several weeks to decide to visit a church, and most of them decide within the first ten minutes whether they’ll return. We can also be pretty certain, that unless a visitor has spent time in a liturgical church, our liturgy can be confusing and intimidating. It’s wonderful when once it becomes familiar, but it comes with a big learning curve. It’s a little easier when a church (like ours) has it’s liturgy fully printed in the bulletin. But it still can be intimidating.

That leads me to suggest some ways that we can help visitors feel expected. Most of these ideas came to me because of my own awful experience. Because our hymnal contains both “’s-numbered” and regular hymns, it can be confusing. If you see someone standing near you who seems confused, find the right page for them, and hand them your hymnal. I used to do that all the time, and it was always appreciated. If someone comes and sits down next to you, make eye contact and smile. During the peace, greet them warmly.
Before or after the service, when there’s time for a longer greeting, if you don’t think you’ve ever seen them before, say something like “Hi, I’m Mary Ann. Have we met?” That way. if they are a long time member and go to the other service, you won’t be embarrassed. Be sure that someone gives them a gift bag or visitor’s pack. After church invite them to coffee hour. If they come to the service with children, offer to show them the nursery and Sunday School, and let them know about whatever books and materials are available for kids (St. D’s has a low table with books and coloring supplies in the back of the church). If you are in a hurry, introduce them to someone else who might be able to help. I used to make a point to invite strangers to coffee hour, chat with them for a while, and then introduce them to people with whom they had something in common. I realize that many Episcopalians are introverts, but again, it’s always acceptable to introduce them to someone more outgoing. Who knows, you may find yourself sponsoring somone for confirmation someday!